THE NIGHT OF THE DOUBLE-HEARTED ONES

On the night of October 4th, 2016, something strange happened above Rotterdam. The moon blinked twice, once with confusion and then with approval as a shimmering green mist settled over the Boomgaardsstraat. Inside #Wunderbar, the espresso machines sputtered, the fridges shivered, and every wurst in the pantry began to hum faintly in B-flat minor.

By dawn, the staff arrived to find the menus transformed.

Gone were the bratwursts and bacon-laced brownies. In their place came lentil stews that shimmered, cosmically-aligned cauliflower wings, smoked beetroot burgers, and glittering vegan cheese that gave off pronounced disco ball vibes. Floating above the bar, scrawled in fermented chickpea ink, was the phrase:

“WE HAVE SEEN. WE HAVE FELT. WE HAVE CHANGED.”

What had happened?

Unbeknownst to the Earthlings, an interstellar delegation had visited. These were no ordinary aliens: no grey-skinned abductors or green goo merchants. No, these were caterpillar-like beings from the planet Flörb, known as the Yüümbl. Each caterpillar was covered in silken fur that shimmered like tofu in moonlight and smelled faintly of coriander.

The Yüümbl were accompanied by their eternal companions: the Double-Hearted Ones: tall translucent creatures with two beating hearts: one for love, one for empathy. Wherever they went, sentient life changed: not from fear, but from feeling.

The Yüümbl had chosen October 4th for a reason: on Earth, it was World Animal Day.
Saddened by the planet’s indifference to its own creatures, and deeply moved by the potential for change driven by the artists, queers and cosmic rebels of WORM, they made a quiet intervention.

Their message was simple:

“Let your nourishment mirror your weird, wild love. Let no creature suffer for your sandwich. Let your menu dance.”

And so it did.

From that day on, WORM and #Wunderbar’s kitchen became a haven of Asian-inspired, plant-based eccentricity. Not out of guilt: but out of a radical sense of inclusivity, earthly care and an absurd, alien-tinted love for all creatures, six-legged or two-hearted.

#Wunderbar serves the only vegan saoto soup in the universe and beyond: a bowl so fragrant and soulful that star clusters have been known to align around a serving, just to cop a sniff.

Don’t forget the legendary vegan hotdog in homemade sauce, a dish that — for reasons still unconfirmed by science — evokes vague yet comforting memories of an IKEA food court in a parallel dimension.

And though the Yüümbl have long since fluttered back to the stars, you can still hear the faint hum of their message in every vegan sausage sizzle, every lemongrass-laced rice bowl, and every oat milk latte lovingly poured.

The revolution was weird. The revolution was tender. The revolution was delicious.